Friday, February 27, 2009

I know what you are (what you are, Baby.)

I? Am in a fantastic mood. Occasionally, I have a day where I'm able to forget that I'm unemployed and 10 seconds away from welfare, and I'm able to enjoy the finer things in life. I'll make a legit entry, and then I have another one of those iPod list survey things, this one telling the story of my life. I know you're excited. But Nick liked the last one, so I'm going to do another one. Also, I like them, so that's good enough reason.

Most of you know the saga of the crazy woman downstairs. How she's fucking insane and. . .well, crazy. And hateful. So yesterday, I was washing dishes, and my phone rings. It's my landlady, and I'm thinking, crap. Because getting a call from your landlady is never a good thing. Except this time, it was.

"Hi, Sarah," she says, "I have good news for you."
"Oh?" says I.
"Yes. Your downstairs neighbor is moving out."

You guys? I almost danced a dance of joy right there in the middle of my kitchen.

So the conversation goes on, and she says, "Yeah, I ran into David (my across the hall neighbor) at Big Lots the other day, and when he told me about the police thing, I said, 'My goodness, I'm going to have to ask her to leave."

". . .police thing?" I asked. "What police thing?"

"Oh my God," she said. "You didn't know?"

I didn't.

Apparently, Sunday, when I went to Rhonda's house to work on the Taste of Chocolate cookbook, Crazy Lady had called the police to complain about all the noise her upstairs neighbor was making. For one thing, according to the town's Noise Ordinance, I am allowed to be obnoxious and loud until 9 p.m. She called them sometime between 6 and 7. Now, I'm not loud and obnoxious anyway. But the fact of the matter is. . .I wasn't even here. So when the police came up and knocked on my door, Across-the-Hall-David comes out to find out what's going on, and that's how my landlady found out about it.

She called the police on her neighbor that wasn't even home. How. . .how completely GLORIOUS is that? It's beautiful. Poetry, even.

So yes. She will be gone by the first of April. And what a happy, joyous occasion that will be. Fabulous in every way possible. You guys don't even know. I will no longer have to live in fear of walking through my kitchen.

Oh, and it turns out that when Crazy Lady called the landlady to let her know she was going to be moving, she complained about all the noise I make because, and I quote, "She's always walking around up there."

. . . . . .

Because I'm walking around. In my home.

But no matter. In approximately 32 days, I will be Crazy Lady free. And it will be a joyous occasion and there will be celebrating throughout the land.

I don't really have a lot else to say. Oh, except that today marks one year of momentous occasion. And that's awesome.

On to the survey!

The soundtrack of my life:

Opening Credits:
"Hey" - The Movielife

Waking Up:
"Ever Fallen In Love?" - The Buzzcocks

First Day at School:
"I Want It That Way" - Backstreet Boys

Falling in Love:
"Stay Pretty" - Farewell (hahaha. For some reason, that's awesome.)

Losing Virginity:
"It Hasn't Happened Yet" - William Shatner (Oh. My. God. You guys? Best thing EVER!)

Fight Song:
"You Can Be As Loud As the Hell You Want (When You're Makin' Love)" - Avenue Q soundtrack (Admittedly, this would have been better for the one before, but I guess this is the makeup sex.)

Breaking Up:
"Good Intentions" - Toad the Wet Sprocket

Prom:
"Everything's Just Wonderful" - Lily Allen (Prom actually sucked, both times. Well, the dance part. Before and after was fun.)

Life:
"Haunted" - Kelly Clarkson

Mental Breakdown:
"Don't Go Breaking My Heart" - Elton John and Kiki Dee

Driving:
"Standing Still" - Jewel (Well, that just doesn't make sense at all.)

Flashback:
"Better Off" - Ashlee Simpson

Getting Back Together:
"I Won't Stand In Line" - Reba McEntire

Wedding:
"When I Think About Cheatin'" - Gretchen Wilson (Aww, unfortunate.)

Birth of Child:
"You Are So Last Summer" - Taking Back Sunday

Final Battle:
"Bitch" - Meredith Brooks

Death Scene:
"Zoot Suit Riot" - Cherry Poppin' Daddies (Apparently, it's death by swing dancing.)

Funeral Song:
"Come Back to Me" - Plain White Ts

End Credits:
"Never Had a Dream Come True" - S Club 7

1 comment:

Ashley Lindsay said...

Oh my gosh! Crazy Lady's MOVING!!! HOORAY!

I can't believe she called the police ... when you weren't even home. That's such sweet irony. And how dare you walk around in your own apartment — you did it just to make her mad, of course. ;)