I don't want to wait for our lives to be over. I want to know right now what could it be.

I am in such a funk.

I was in a normal mood this morning.  I talked to Karen for a while.  I watched the two-part episode of Grey's Anatomy that never fails to make me cry (and cried).  I had two giant cups of coffee.  And then I went to work.

The mood didn't really hit me at work, either.  I got the calendar pages done, which are my most hated pages in the thing.  Dennis came in with Kelly, and while I probably should have kept working, I played with her instead.  That was my own fault, but she's just a fun kid, and I am almost incapable of telling her no, I'm working and I can't play with you right now.  Because it's. . .it's an amazing thing when you've got this person, even a little person, constantly telling you that they love you, and that they like playing with you. . .that you're cool?  I don't know.  Maybe it sounds really pathetic that I like getting validation from someone 20 years younger than me, but. . .I can't explain it.  I guess it's that kids don't lie.  I mean, if they have no reason to.  If you catch them doing something they shouldn't be doing, they'll lie, but they won't walk up to you and say, "Hey.  I like you," if they don't, like adults will.  It's the little things in life.

I'm sorry.  I'm just in a really weird mood.

MK called me when I was about to leave work and could tell I was in a funk.  To cheer me up, he read me this kiddie book called "Silly Sara," and it was. . .really, really cute.  Not the book itself, but that he read it.  I don't know.  It made me smile, and I think that's what he was going for.  I looked the book up on Amazon.com when I got home, and it looks cute (I liked the drawings.)  See what I mean about the little things in life?

I'm dreading going into work tomorrow.  Not because I have an overwhelming amount of work to do.  I can handle the work.  I just. . .it's a funk!  I wish I could blame it on "that time of the month," but that was last week.  I have nothing to blame it on except not wanting to do anything but stay in bed, curled up with. . .a person, napping and watching stupid TV.  That's what I want to do right now.  I've got the bed, I've got the stupid TV, but I'm alone.  I'm always alone.

I had a woman come in for an interview the other day and she has a massage place, and even though I think it's vaguely overpriced, I'm thinking of calling her and making an appointment.  I've been so tense recently, and not for any good reason.  My job isn't stressing me out like it used to, my boss generally leaves me alone (except for the moments she makes me want to throw myself out the window) and. . .I don't know.  I'm going into one of those places where I want a change.  Usually, I do something to my hair when I get in these moods, but I don't have enough of it left to do anything to it.

I think I'm lonely today.  Maybe that's what it is.

I'm going to stop being a bummer, because this entry has been nothing but a woe is me.  I'll try to be in better spirits before I write again.