'Cause now I see you are not what you seem. You are a mystery to me; sometimes I just want to scream.

Back home, waiting for the sleep drugs to kick in.

I'm going to put up a couple of fair pictures. I've been a little concerned that my photography skills have been on a fast, downward slope. I feel like maybe it's because I've been so generally down. I remember the weekend Trooper Blanton was killed, I had to go shoot pictures at a wedding I was covering, and that was some of the worst photographing I've ever done. I wasn't in the headspace, you know?

But here recently, I've had a lot of trouble taking decent photographs. I'm not entirely sure what it could be, other than the fact that I'm just kind of unhappy.

I don't know. Now that I'm looking at these, I'm not really pleased with them, either. I'm also failing at writing. I wrote an article for tomorrow's paper today that was. . .kind of bad. Basically what's happening here is that I'm no longer good at anything at which I used to excel, and that's unfortunate.

On the bright side, though, Nick sent me a link to a YouTube video of Saturday Night Live's premiere beginning, and it was awesome. Michael Phelps (my ex-husband) was the host and the sketch at the very beginning was kind of awesome. Tina Fey came back to play Sarah Palin, awesomely, and during the beginning monologue, William Shatner randomly showed up. I know. Best thing ever. Kind of made my night.

I'll write my ANTM recap tomorrow, so as to have it up before the next episode airs Wednesday. I really had no idea how much time and effort these recaps took. They're fun, though, so I'll be pressing on.

I hope the ring you gave to her turns her finger green. I hope when you're in bed with her you think of me.

On the way home from the Biltmore today, CousinCasey and I were listening to Kelly Clarkson (You know - the one girl I'd eschew all tradition and family opinion and whatever to hook up with? I LOVE her.) She's going to be nearby-ish in November with Reba McEntire, and if I'm still here, I'm going to be all over that concert like. . .awesome on William Shatner.

Anyway, I was listening to her, and I realized that I think part of the reason I love her so much (aside from, you know, her incredible hotness), is because a lot of her songs are angry, you-broke-up-with-me-and-I'm-pissed songs, and that kind of defines. . .no, not defines me, but I can relate. On several different levels.

I was thinking about my latest "relationship" and how a lot of Kelly Clarkson songs seem to fit into how that went. I mean I fell absolutely head over heels for this guy, and it was just a smorgasboard of bad idea + bad timing + just not right. But even now, I'm still working on getting over it. That's part of the reason I'm so eager to try to get out into the whole dating thing. Maybe it's not healthy, but I feel like if I can get my mind off of it entirely, I'll be better off.

To be fair, I'm a lot better off than I was. I don't get mopey when we're in the same place and I don't want to jump him every time I see him, so I'm. . .healing, for lack of a better word. Once I get out of this town, I'll be 100% better about it, I'm sure.

And yet, and yet. I'm still pleased when he sees me and looks happy to see me. That doesn't make me sad and pathetic, does it? I feel like it's one of those things where I like to know that he hasn't completely written me off, because before we "dated," we were amazing friends.

Enough about that.

1. Why football is better than sex

Last night, I was going to the game I mentioned with CousinCasey, her husband, and her husband's BFF.

(I'm going to take an interlude here and mention that I never realized how difficult it would be to try to keep some sense of anonymity with this blog. I didn't want to mention, for the most part, real people and places, because I didn't want to get in trouble if anyone that, perhaps, I work for, came across it. But it's so difficult. What if I just kept my own name fake and the paper's name fake and maybe my boss' name fake and used other people's real names? Is that doable? To be fair, some nicknames will stay (i.e. McHotpants), because I actually call him that and I also have some people that I really have nicknames for that I DON'T call them, but that's how I refer to them to people. I also won't use last names. Ready? Let's go.)

So, I went to the game with Carrie, Frank, and Steph. We were driving through the town and I was saying, "Hey, I should be on a date right now." And then I was explaining that part of the reason I knew that OnlineDateGuy wasn't going to work out for me was because I could tell he was the type of guy that would, probably not too far into the relationship, expect that sex was the logical next step, and I'm just not looking to add that to my list of Things In My Life. I mean, there's only one person I've ever been involved with that I've even CONSIDERED taking that step with (and I never did) so I don't see myself starting a "relationship" with someone and that even being an issue.

I sat there for a second, and I said, "Oh my God. Do you realize that this means I'd rather go to a football game. . .a high school football game. . .than begin the steps toward sex? I'd rather watch football than have sex."

Carrie said it was a mature thing of me, really, and I tend to agree, but it was just kind of interesting to think about it in that manner.

(Another thought. If I ever put pictures of myself on here, it'll render my fake name moot, if people know me. Oh well. I'm keeping it, because I really do hate my name.)

2. The Game or Damn, I Miss High School Football

So the big game. (This picture does more to tell everyone exactly where I am. . .) County Clash 2008. It was kind of awesome. On our way, we were trying to decide who we wanted to go for. I tend toward being a THS fan for whatever reason. However, it was a home game at PHS, and they also have better colors, so we decided to go for PHS. However, once we got in, the place was PACKED, and we couldn't get over to the PHS side and we had to stand among rabid THS fans, so we had to cheer for them. But secretly, we were rooting for PHS. And, in the end, I was glad THS won. (28-10) I was just excited to be there.

We were right down at the fence, but there were people in front of us for a lot of it. During the last quarter, we were able to get right up to the fence, and that was pretty amazing. I'm planning on going to more games, because it was. . .oddly exciting. Plus, I was rocking out to the THS marching band. I couldn't not dance. I'm sure I looked exactly as white as I am, but it was fun.

I'm exhausted. It's bedtime. Next time, the Job From Hell, Biltmore House and whatever else I come up with between now and then.

I wish I could fly. I know I could save us somehow.

I know, I know. Epic Fail.

According to the little thing on my "Blogger Dashboard," the last time I updated was July 20. Almost a month ago. And I know that my original intent was a daily update, and then it was a weekly update but. . .I just haven't felt like writing, you know? Sometimes you just don't.

This past week was pretty crazy. Vi was out of town, so CousinCasey was basically in charge, with a little bit of backup help from yours truly. If I do say so myself, we put out three fairly kickass papers on our own. CousinCasey and I even stayed late Thursday for a "breaking news" story. I'm fairly certain we were the only media outlet to publish it that next day. So that was pretty exciting. Maybe I'm a news nerd, but I was pretty stoked.

Friday was CousinCasey's birthday, so we went to the next big city over to have dinner. I was planning on going to a big football game that night, but we didn't get back in time. It's cool, though, because I need to work on being sociable, and going alone to a football game instead of to dinner with like 9 other people isn't exactly part of being sociable.

Truth be told, I've been kind of out of sorts lately. My personal life has taken a large crash and burn, yet again, and I've just been. . .uncomfortable in my own life. That make sense?

So I did something I've kind of looked down on for years. I joined the community of online dating.

Yeah, yeah. Say what you will, but the way I figure it, I work so much because I have nothing to do outside of work. Therefore, by working so much, I'm ensuring that I don't get out and FIND things to do outside of work. It's a catch-22. So I joined a Web site and have, in the last 3 days or so, had what would be considered pretty good luck. I don't know. I'm not really expecting to find the love of my life courtesy of my computer, but I figure, at the very least, I'll find something to do that's not work. Because McHotpants pointed out to me the other day that I really need friends and interests outside of work. I need to not be here so frequently. I need to get out and have things to look forward to doing at the end of the day.

So how about that Michael Phelps? All of the Olympic games I've been watching have been watched over at CousinCasey's, and last night, over a dinner of breakfast, I was trying to come up with 10 compelling reasons why Michael Phelps should marry me. I came up with four.

1. I'm totally okay with celebrity.
2. He could manage to convince me to get married in the first place, which is quite a feat.
3. No one can spell or pronounce my last name, and "Phelps" will be known worldwide now. It's a win-win.

I don't actually remember the 4th one.

Also last night, I saw Miss Congeniality for the first time. I had no idea William Shatner was in that movie, and had I been aware, I would have seen it much sooner. I don't know if I've ever mentioned my love of William Shatner, but it's an incredible love. I feel the same way about William Shatner as I do about Project Runway's Tim Gunn. It's not that I have a crush on either one or that I want to have their children or anything like that. It's just below that. We watched Miss Congeniality right after watching Project Runway, and I noticed I had the same reactions (squealing and applauding) when both William Shatner and Tim Gunn came on the screen.

Just one of those things, I guess.

My novel-writing is going slowly. I was too happy for a while, and I can't write fiction when I'm really happy, for some reason. Needless to say, I'll be picking that up again here soon.